• Evening star
    LIFE,  SPIRITUALITY

    Finding Hope in An Evening Star

    A single star shimmers in the glow out my window during evening meditation, perfectly placed by an invisible hand.

    I dwell inside, praying and meditating while fellow house-dwellers make distant sounds from their music and TVs, during the quarantine.

    I wonder why I never noticed that star before? I have sat here many times, but usually reading with the lights on. Tonight I am practicing abstaining from TV, feeling more and more of my body, in this place and time, at this unprecedented time in history.

    COVID 19 spreads quickly and governments react daily with more restrictions, death counts. It doesn’t feel real, in this country, but it is here just as much as anywhere else. I do this meditation for the hope I feel, to contribute something.

    I return to my breathing, feeling the blood moving through me so fast, humming, a marvel. The Spirit embodies the breath, or the breath, the body. It moves quickly, imperceptively. To find it you have to slow down, stay with it. The mind finds the star again.

    I want to believe the star means something. That it has a message for me.

    I feel convicted that I need to stop making more of this than it is. And start noticing things like my breath. Like the invisible hand, the imperceptible.

    But I can’t stop noticing the beauty all around me!

    I’ve already lost the star in my study of it, talking about it! When I first noticed it, it was an instant aha! Beauty. Appreciation. No content. No analysis. Just the star and me. When I put words to it, it lost its mystery. Its beauty.

    I return to the star. And breathe. Can I just sit and be with the star?

    I can’t do it!!

    In my mal-adjusted, socially addicted, reactive nature, I cannot cope without some kind of interactivity – some kind of interpretation, conversation, with myself, with you, and the ineffable. Maybe this is my reality!

    I am a human being. I contemplate such things. Meaning. Starlight. Beauty. Existence. Time. My spiritual practice takes me into the depths. It is never a silence for me, but an ongoing conversation, a gallery! I cannot stop moving – my heart, my feelings, my breath. I want to know more, experience more, express all I see! All I can be!

    The star has shifted. It seems to have fallen in the sky outside my window. I am worried that I have “talked” this whole time, and might lose the star! But I haven’t lost the star. Because the star means something to me. And who knows that that star is not contemplating me?!

    My love of life includes all of creation as I gaze inwardly and outwardly – to me, they are all connected. My inner vision comes from what I see, and what I cannot see. I am stirred by God’s invisible hand guiding me: Look, see! Here I am, in the mystery of things.

    P.S. I couldn’t resist getting a Star Finder app and found my star in the constellation of Aries. Like I child I will never give up hope for humanity or grow tired of learning and discovering!