A single star shimmers in the glow out my window during evening meditation, perfectly placed by an invisible hand.
I dwell inside, praying and meditating while fellow house-dwellers make distant sounds from their music and TVs, during the quarantine.
I wonder why I never noticed that star before? I have sat here many times, but usually reading with the lights on. Tonight I am practicing abstaining from TV, feeling more and more of my body, in this place and time, at this unprecedented time in history.
COVID 19 spreads quickly and governments react daily with more restrictions, death counts. It doesn’t feel real, in this country, but it is here just as much as anywhere else. I do this meditation for the hope I feel, to contribute something.
I return to my breathing, feeling the blood moving through me so fast, humming, a marvel. The Spirit embodies the breath, or the breath, the body. It moves quickly, imperceptively. To find it you have to slow down, stay with it. The mind finds the star again.
I want to believe the star means something. That it has a message for me.
I feel convicted that I need to stop making more of this than it is. And start noticing things like my breath. Like the invisible hand, the imperceptible.
But I can’t stop noticing the beauty all around me!
I’ve already lost the star in my study of it, talking about it! When I first noticed it, it was an instant aha! Beauty. Appreciation. No content. No analysis. Just the star and me. When I put words to it, it lost its mystery. Its beauty.
I return to the star. And breathe. Can I just sit and be with the star?
I can’t do it!!
In my mal-adjusted, socially addicted, reactive nature, I cannot cope without some kind of interactivity – some kind of interpretation, conversation, with myself, with you, and the ineffable. Maybe this is my reality!
I am a human being. I contemplate such things. Meaning. Starlight. Beauty. Existence. Time. My spiritual practice takes me into the depths. It is never a silence for me, but an ongoing conversation, a gallery! I cannot stop moving – my heart, my feelings, my breath. I want to know more, experience more, express all I see! All I can be!
The star has shifted. It seems to have fallen in the sky outside my window. I am worried that I have “talked” this whole time, and might lose the star! But I haven’t lost the star. Because the star means something to me. And who knows that that star is not contemplating me?!
My love of life includes all of creation as I gaze inwardly and outwardly – to me, they are all connected. My inner vision comes from what I see, and what I cannot see. I am stirred by God’s invisible hand guiding me: Look, see! Here I am, in the mystery of things.
P.S. I couldn’t resist getting a Star Finder app and found my star in the constellation of Aries. Like I child I will never give up hope for humanity or grow tired of learning and discovering!
Have you ever found yourself going through life, everything seems hunky-dory, but you are feeling an urgent desire for change? A desire to know more? To do more? To change everything?!
This could be a call. For example, I was previously working in the business world, commuting every day, for ten years, when I got the urge to change my life and become an actor. Then eight years after that, my spiritual path opened up and I began teaching workshops, yoga and retreats. Now, I’m becoming a minister. Who would have thought it?
In a couple of weeks, I enter a new phase in my journey: entering a Master of Divinity program at the University of Toronto (Emmanuel College). I can hardly believe that I will be at a seminary, like many young men before me (women were not admitted until the mid
–60s). As I studied the pictures on the walls of Emmanuel College, Victoria University in the University of Toronto, I felt a kinship, and also an awareness that this was a privilege, a rarity, not just because I’m a woman, but because few people ever choose this path. And I get to do it while still having a somewhat “normal” life, commuting three days a week, doing homework, reading, writing, dialoguing, communing.
I’m on a mission: Jesus and the angels pushed me to work with people and heal them. Before this decision, I worked as a Spiritual Director / Healer and Direct Channel of the divine. I had my apprehensions, worries, as my spiritual gifts became a part of who I am. I even went to a Jesuit retreat with Catholic sisters and priests, to make sure I was “OK” with all of this. I am. One priest said, “I’ve never met anyone like you.” He validated my gifts are from God and only God decides “Who, when, where and for how long.” That gave me some peace.
So what does that mean? It means I have work to do. The feeling of having a mission isn’t just my imagination or wishful thinking. I have to take it to the limit. Beyond what I’m comfortable with, what makes sense, what I want. And embrace the wild unknown – the spiritual landscape of many “others”: people of different backgrounds, faith traditions, experiences. Not only will I learn a lot from them, but I will also be moved to offer what I have – my gifts, services when the time comes, and the unexpected. As they say, “God had other plans.”
My mission is simple: to heal others through the grace of God, under the direction of Christ/Jesus. It includes
usingmy healing gifts, messages and psalms (and sometimes making a fool of myself for God). I can’t be comfortable. I have to do what is in me to do,and give what God gives me so others can discover their gifts, too.
Yes, I’m on a mission. And only God knows who, where, when and for how long. I’m grateful he’s starting me at Emmanuel.
You may be wondering what your mission is? To discover your own spiritual gifts and mission, see How To Do What You Love.
What is your mission? Please share your comments or ask a question below. Much Love!