Living in my mind a lot, as I am in school again, I sometimes wonder and question myself, what I am learning, the past, the present and the future. It is a lot! Anxiety can creep in as I forget who I am, and come home seeking recovery. It is not that the work robs me of something; but in my laser focus on the tasks at hand, on reading other’s thoughts in books and articles, or hearing other’s words, I can get lost.
Coming back to who I am, as I write this, as I marvel at the wonderland that is my life at present, I am amazed at how blessed I am. An evening of laughter with family all around me, a husband and mother who cook a feast for all, time to reflect in quiet as I look at a candle, my books, my writing tools; my children’s plump earthly faces to be kissed and squeezed; the dazzling light of the love I feel…
It is important to remember that life is always blessed, but we are not always aware. We may be pining for days past or looking forward too much, or we might be sunk right in the middle of something that has all of our attention, and mirth is the last thing on our hearts and minds.
Mirth is an interesting word; it is a very old word that to our modern ears might sound like a problem, but it actually means merriment, gladness, laughter. Fun. In the Bible, it was used to describe joy or laughter when the people celebrated; but mirth was also discouraged by the Prophets or in Proverbs when the people needed the wisdom to mourn or mend their ways. (We can have too much merriment!)
I find a life that is blessed has both mourning and mirth; laughter and lament; joy and sorrow. We are meant to bend into what God would have us be. We may not always know why we are laughing, or why we are crying. But to live is to feel. And to be in Christ is the be clothed in both merriments at the Bridegroom’s (Jesus’s) spiritual presence in our hearts, and His physical absence on a planet where we live or witness other’s devastation, loss and toil.
But what do mirth and mourning have to do with realizing a life of being blessed? I no longer need to be happy all of the time, to feel blessed. I no longer want to make light of everything in order to feel OK. I know God sustains me even when things are dry or times are difficult; when life gets in the way. I can sense God’s presence, even as I watch TV (perhaps asking me to turn it off!). I can feel God pulling me out of bed to come and contemplate, to put things in my soul aright.
Life is complicated. God is not. We feel many things, merriment, mirth, happiness, sadness, fear, anxiety, calm and contentment. Our feelings lead us to understand life, to process its many facets. There is beauty even in the ashes of life, in lament. A true poet, a prophet, a lover of God feels greatly, and loves deeply. We can express the entirety of life in many colours. God created everything. God is with us (the meaning of the name Immanuel) in everything. So why not embrace all as a blessing? And feel our way in God.
There are miracles in both mirth and mourning. Embrace your life. Live fully and love God.
An excerpt from Krista’s Daily Book of Miracles, a book in progress, Copyright 2019-2020 Krista Marie Moore. Photo Credit: Private. 2019
Many of us walk around in the world wearing a mask over our heart. Maybe we don’t even know we are wearing it. We have grown so used to trying to hold it together, to be strong for others. But there comes a time when we have to let it down and feel our own heart, feel our own soul.
What is really going on? How do I feel right now? What am I forgetting to remember in this moment? What do I feel in my heart right now?
After a trauma, or a particular period of difficulty, we can get used to the pain. We can get used to suffering. We don’t even know we’re doing it, but we begin to hide it, even from ourselves. It is too difficult to look there again, to admit how we feel, when we are coping, just trying to get through.
It may seem on the outside that everything looks OK, but on the inside something doesn’t feel right. You may feel actual pain in your heart area, or it may just be like a pressure, a sadness, or a tension. Whatever you are feeling, go there. Go deep inside and feel the sadness, feel the pain, feel the excitement. Whatever you are feeling. Allow it.
Many of us have been taught to disobey our own heart. We have been taught to obey others: our bosses, our parents, our spouses. We have learned to keep control of our emotions and push them down, as far down as possible, which leads to disease, tension, disability and even accidents. Sometimes life causes us to wake up through something that will catch our attention, make us feel again. It may be highly disagreeable, even more painful than the original feeling, but it gets our attention, and then we have a choice.
Are you going to take this opportunity to heal this pain, or are you going to just push through?
You can’t push yourself forever. At some point, you’re going to need to rest. You’re going to need to feel. Those emotions will come back, they will find you.
Dont’ be afraid of your feelings, of your emotions. They are there to guide you. If you are upset, admit that you are upset. Don’t push it down. Find a way to talk about it. If you are scared, be scared. Don’t pretend you are happy. Happiness will come only when you face your fears and find a way to transform, not pushing them away or denying.
Daily Miracle Practice
Feel your heart. What is inside? What is it saying to you? Is there someone you need to talk to? Are you lonely or sad? Do you need someone to lean on? Do you need a guide?
Let yourself feel. Then ask for what you need.
Our hearts grow bigger and stronger when we listen to their needs.
Go deep inside, and then find the answer. It will come to you.
Daily Miracle Prayer
Dear God, I am afraid of how I feel. I don’t know what to do about it. I feel like I will not be able to handle it. I’m afraid that others will not be able to handle it! Please give me the courage to accept how I feel and do something about it. Help me feel my heart and learn to express it. Let it be my friend and guide. Thank you. Amen.
Daily Miracle Blessing
There is a beautiful soul in you. A beautiful heart that has been wounded with time. Let me hold it in my hands and heal you. Let me help you release those feelings and judgements about yourself, and feel what it feels like to be loved.